Suddenly got a lot of stuff to share as i don't get a chance to tok to u guys.

It's a bit random i know but i just feel like sharing.

Anthea's birthday is around the corner, 15/10/07. Thinking of getting a present for her through DHL. Not very sure what to get for her...any idea??!!

Reason i came to China for attachment is because of her too. At tt time, we just broke up and i just feel like going somewhere quiet and do my own stuff. And i heard about the China thingy so i straight apply for it. I think is a good chance for me to learn how to be independent somehow!

On her coming birthday, is half a year after we broke up. I thought i can somehow start a new life w/o her but seem like i sill cant let go.

I nv actually thinking of getting her back, cos we will just let the same thing happen again tt's all. We keep on quarrel becos we don't even know each other well. She expect me to be tt and i expect her to be another. What i hope is to be her friend and try to know her more.

I just wanna to be her friend and always be there for her. simple as tt ...but i don't even get the chance.

Last time i ask her: Can't we be friends?

She reply: we once got a chance to be friends after broke up but you spoilt it. She said stop bugging her is the best present i ever give her.

It's really heartbroken to hear this. Ya, she did say that we can be friend after broke up but at tt time, i just dun wanna be just friend and becos of tt, we somehow quarrel and piss her off till she don't even want to be friends. I'm just not mature enough.

It been so long. This 5months i almost thinking of her everyday, thinking of what i should do ...a lot a lot. Maybe deane is rite, going through a pain experience will turn u into a much more mature person.

After so much Hell experience i went through, i really know what i want. It's pretty late but at least i realised it somehow. Last time i can't stand her unreasonable character but i discover tt maybe her unreasonable character is the one attracts me. I always thought my type of girl is gentle and nice but i realised that i like girl that will stand up for themselves instead of those who will cry easily.

I know wat i want now. I wanna get her back. Don't have any confident though. Some told me, since she treat u like this, be a man and let go and others think that i'm stupid and stubborn but the problem is not letting go or trying to be a man.

A lot of people don't understand wat i want. I'm not desperate for a girlfriend. A lot of people might think that, Oh...u cant get her back..then find another better one. I don't want to find a gf for the sake of getting one. Keeping someone u love in ur heart is not a bad thing, althought u cant get her. ( I don't really know how to put it in words to let u guys know how i feel but hope u guys can understand what i'm trying to say)

I just think that if i really like a girl, i will risk it all, put her in front of everything, my career and even my life.

Right now, i just hope she can treat me as a friend and i just wanna to know her all over again. Going to place we never been b4, bring her to places that i promised to bring her last time and lastly, always be there for her.

Her birthday will be a start?!?

Let's pray HARD for me!!
Guys...hope i nv make the whole blog looks boring.
I lazy to make the words look interesting, i just type out how i feel inside!

Missing and have someone in ur heart is really great! (althought i cant have her)


**SO...DES did u help me to check out her address???!!!!



CS